We have looked at some reasons why marriages are failing, with specific focus on the singles and those engaged to be married. You can visit my blog for series 1-3.

Now, we will shift our focus to the married and what they should avoid to make their marriage last. I am trusting God that through these series, several homes will be restored.

1. One of the major reasons why marriages are failing today is the misconception about the purpose of marriage. Several people have misconception as to why God instituted marriage and so they are always blaming their spouses for not providing what they want. Marriage is principally for companionship and help. Gen. 2:18. God created Eve for Adam, so that he would not be alone and as an helper suitable for Adam.

It is surprising that some spouses still have confidants outside their marriage. Who else should be your confidant, if not your husband or wife? As a man, you should not have a better companion than your wife. Even your mother should not be a better companion. You have left your father and cleaved to your wife. She is now one with you.

Another major problem is that men assume that their wives are housekeepers. The truth is your home is your own Garden of Eden, and it is your primary responsibility as a man to keep and tend your garden. While your wife is to assist you in performing those duties, don’t expect her to carry all the burden of keeping your garden. If you do, she will be worn out, frustrated and won’t be able to give you the love and attention you need. Most women engage in business or paid employment to support their husbands, while they are still expected to keep the home. A good rule of thumb is to treat your wife the way you will treat yourself. Assist her in taking care of the children, laundry and even in the kitchen. It doesn’t make you less of a man.

Even if your wife is having challenge conceiving, it is not a reason to start maltreating her or to throw her out. You are to work together to overcome that challenge. The same applies the other way round. Don’t blame her for the delay. Encourage her. Pray for her. You are her King, don’t desert her. Don’t abuse her in any form, it is unmanly to beat a woman. As a wife, you are the Queen of your home, treat your husband like a King. Help him. Support him. Pray for him. Play your role well. Don’t assume leadership position in the home, you are his ‘helpmeet’ not his ‘equal’. It is most unwise to start competing with your husband.

Husband, love your wife and wife submit to your husband. Eph. 5:33.

Summary of today’s point:

– Understand the true purpose of marriage.
– It is first for companionship
– It is next for help.
– Understand your role in the marriage and play it well.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

Still addressing those who are yet to marry, today we will look at one more  reason.

A quick recap of yesterday’s Lesson.
– Don’t fall in love but slide into love
– Pay attention to your sense of reasoning
– Do not be in a hurry

Another major reason why Marriages fail is going into marriage with the notion that your partner is an angel or a perfect person. Note this, no man can be like an angel and even angels have their areas of strength. Asking Angel Gabriel to lead a battle is like putting a square peg in a round hole, he is more of a messenger. Likewise, everyone has his or her strengths and limitations. No one is perfect. So you must give room for mistakes, foibles, weaknesses and short comings in your spouse. Marriage shows you your real self and your real spouse. The partner in relationship and courtship is rarely the same in marriage. In marriage, you will see each other as you are. So, make up your mind to do these three things with your spouse:

1. Adjust: Adjust your idiosyncrasies to realities. Don’t judge your marriage based on the romance movies you see on TV. Get down from your horse. Gen. 24:64. You adjust in marriage.

2. Agree: Agree with each other on making your marriage work. Agree together that no matter what none of you will quit until death parts you. Agree together on how to manage your finances, duties, limits, boundaries for in-laws, choice of place or form of worship, school for your kids, etc. You agree before marriage.

3. Accommodate: Be ready to live with the weaknesses of your spouse and to make up for those weaknesses. You are meant to complement each other, so do just that. Don’t always be at his or her neck pointing out his or her weaknesses. Rather, accept the weakness and encourage your spouse to minimize or overcome the weakness. Don’t go about telling third party about your spouse’s weaknesses. You are pulling down your home by so doing. Prov. 14:1.

Summary of today’s lesson:
– Don’t expect perfection
– Adjust, Agree and Accommodate.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

We live in a time and age when relationships and marriages are breaking apart with unprecedented frequency. It seems to be worse among celebrities. Except for a few, celebrities around the globe are the worst hit with this worrisome trend and unfortunately millions of youths want to adopt their lifestyles. It will do the world a lot of good if celebrities start seeing marriage as a covenant not to be joked with or take lightly. Generally, we all need to understand the gravity of the world ‘marriage’.

This is why I am led to share this with us today and hopefully conclude it this week. This part of this series is directed at those who are yet to marry or find a partner.

1. One of the reasons why marriages are failing is because people ‘fall in love’ and leave their senses behind. Before we proceed, it is important that we look at the phrase ‘fall in love’. What does it mean?

To fall in love means to begin to have strong feelings and desire to be with someone, having romantic love for someone and it is a state of mind where the emotions take over the control of the mind rather than reason or logic.

This is why a professor can fall in love with an uneducated village girl. Natural reason is suspended for emotions when you fall in love. This is why a beautiful lady will keep going back to someone who keeps beating and abusing her.

Falling in love without listening to your sense of reasoning or logic is wrong. DON’T EVER ignore your intuition or nudging in your mind that things are too fast. As a matter of fact, I will advise strongly against falling in love, but gently slide into love. Sliding into love is a deliberate act of balancing your emotions and reasoning, paying attention to all the signs of danger, addressing those signs by asking questions, weighing your options if they are things you can live with, and either accepting or rejecting the suitor. Be guided by these two rules when love comes calling :

– Pay attention to your sense and voice of reasoning. The little signs you ignore before marriage will become major cracks in your marriage.
– Don’t be in a hurry. ‘He that believeth shall not make haste.’ – Isaiah 28:16b. It is better to age peacefully alone that to age painfully in marriage.

Summary of this point is to hold your head and take things easy. Give it time

Talk to you tomorrow.

God bless us all.

Good morning Africa!

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It is said that the only constant change in life is ‘Change’ itself. Change keeps changing and is a constant factor, nothing else is constant, especially in our world. As we grow in life we experience a lot of changes, physical, emotional, physiological, spiritual and so on. We change over time.

Likewise, opinions, beliefs, traditions, cultures, practices and conditions change over time. It is therefore necessary that you subject your thought processes, response systems, biases, opinions and long held beliefs to emerging realities. It is a dangerous thing to be rigid and not to be responsive to realities.

One of the reasons why some people fail to make any reasonable progress is their inability to shift from their long held habits or positions. ‘This is how I have been doing my stuff and I can’t change it.’ Such positions will limit your growth in life and will make you live an unfulfilled life. You will miss out on new opportunities and breakthroughs. Break out of that mould.

‘Try to open up your mind a little, and move away from rigid opinions of what people should do and be – unless you have been there.’ – Ann Rule.

The only exception to this rule is when you have to do something spiritually, morally, mentally or physically wrong or harmful, then you can maintain your position. But when you are confronted with superior ways or ideas, wisdom requires that you bow to the superior. Don’t rot away in that position, accept change.

God bless us all.

Good morning Africa!

Lately, both print and social media have been deluged with news of death of young people, all over the world, but particularly more in our space here in Nigeria.

Most of the deaths are linked to heart and lifestyle related diseases like high blood pressure, diabetes, kidney failure, cancer and so on. While some of these are hereditary, a lot can be done to either prevent or even manage it if it is an hereditary case.

One of such is regular sleep. Please ensure you get minimum of six hours sleep on daily basis.

Also make sure you exercise at least three times a week and you may try to check on your physician for the proper exercise that fits your health profile.

Avoid fatty food, sugary food and lower your consumption of alcohol and caffeinated drinks.

Worry less and pray more. Don’t carry the world on your shoulder, you don’t have the capacity for that.

Carry out comprehensive medical check up periodically, at least once a year, especially once you attain the age of forty.

Avoid heavy late night meals. If you must eat at night, try vegetables or fruits. Eat balanced diet. Take a lot of water and fruits.

Finally, pay attention to your health. If you notice any strange development, see your doctor. Don’t overlook anything that has to do with your health.

Remember, you only live once, so live it right.

God bless us all.

Good morning Africa!

Still on the subject of unavoidable pains, I was challenged yesterday by two people (apparently not Africans), that the examples of circumcision and ear piercing are culture-imposed pains and not life-imposed, because in some part of the world, circumcision is not done for boys and ear piercing is also optional. My response was that, both examples may not be applicable in all climes but they are still examples of some of the unavoidable pains.

Another argument was on jackpot or lottery winners. My response was that ‘I do not consider jackpot or lottery as’ ‘gain’ in this context.’ How many jackpot winners have been able to maintain the sudden wealth? You can check this link for the discussion. https://disqus.com/home/discussion/channel-theatlanticdiscussions/unavoidable_pains_of_life/.

I am sharing this to encourage such discussions. No one has monopoly of ideas, so please feel free to share your thoughts on any of my broadcast.

Today we will look at one more pain tagged Pain of Maturity.

4. Pain of Maturity: Maturity is defined as the state, fact, or period of being mature. Cambridge English dictionary defines it as ‘the quality of behaving mentally and emotionally like an adult.’ My definition is ‘a state of readiness of the intellect and emotion, to accept responsibility.’ As you mature, life begins to place responsibilities on you, usually with consequences. It is important to accept responsibility if you desire to grow. Some responsibilities may be huge and demanding, but when  you succeed in meeting that responsibility, you would have become a better person than you were before. Maturity brings responsibilities. Responsibilities are often burdensome. For instance, as you age, a time will come when you have to fend for yourself  rather than relying on your parents or guardians. Rents, clothing, feeding, and even raising your own family are unavoidable. There are also certain positions (secular, political or religious) you take on either by election or appointment, that literally turn your life upside down. You struggle for a while until you reach a balance, after you have matured into the new role.

Perhaps you are experiencing the pain of Maturity now, be strong and hold it out. Hear this ‘Fire tests gold, suffering tests brave men.’ – Seneca.

God bless us all.

Good morning Africa!