Parenting (10)

Good morning and what a wonderful privilege to witness another Christmas Eve. He that has brought you this far will not leave nor forsake you. Be grateful for life regardless of your circumstance.

As we round up this series, let us put Single Parenting in proper perspective. Single Parenting means raising a child or children by a single parent, whicg could be the father or mother. It can happen as a result of death of one of the parents, separation or divorce, unaccepted pregnancy, or abdication of parental responsibilities.

The original design for a family is to have a father, made up of a mother and the children. The author of family, God, knows the importance of each of the parents in the life of the children. He designed it such that the baby is conceived through the seed and egg of the father and mother, the seed grows into foetus and is carried to term by the mother, the baby is born into the warm embrace of the mother, and grows into adulthood through the strong training of the father.

Each of these stages play an important formative role in the life of the child. For instance, a child without the motherly love at birth usually grows up cold hearted. Such children are usually unemotional, they have no empathy and can be very ruthless, selfish and mean.

A child without the fatherly training too usually grows to be too soft or weak, and buckles when faced with life challenges, especially when there is no fatherly figure at all in their growing up. The father’s blessing also go a long way in shaping and guiding the child into adulthood.

Does this mean that such children are at a disadvantage? No, they do not have to be. There are provisions to ameliorate this weaknesses. Such can be found in mentors, religious centres, self help books, and personal development. But what do you do when the mentor or spiritual guide also needs to be helped. Can the blind lead the blind? An incomplete man or woman cannot offer help to another incomplete person for completeness.

This is perhaps one of the reasons our leaders fail too often. An incomplete leader would have to deal with various complexes and this would impact on his decisions and actions.

We need to also start seeing parenting as societal responsibility. In our own days, any adult could spank you for wrongdoing, it does not matter if they are related to you or not, and you dare not even report to your parents, otherwise you will get more spanking. This approach places the responsibility of parenting on the society, extending the confines of family to the society. Unfortunately, modern times have eroded this culture and this is to our own detriment.

It is therefore important that we begin to take parenting seriously and see it as God given assignment. Children are the heritage of God. We are God’s custodian in raising children to become who God wants them to be. When we fail in this responsibility, it will not only affect the child, it will come back to haunt us and the society at large.

I ask and receive grace and wisdom for every struggling parent right now. I pray restoration to every broken home and I speak peace to every troubled home in Jesus name. Amen.

I will be taking a break for the year, but can be reached through any of the contact details below my signature. Thank you for following me all through the year and particularly this series. Let us do it together again in 2019. Together we can make the world better.

Have a wonderful week and Merry Christmas and Prosperous New Year ahead.

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

Instagram: onadol

Twitter: @DewumiOni

Parenting (9)

There is a saying in Yoruba that goes like this, “Iya ni Wura, Baba ni dingi”. Translated, this means “Mother is Gold and Father is the Mirror”. Gold is one of the precious metals and perhaps the one commanding the highest value, at least until recently when Palladium challenging that position.

Mothers are as precious as gold. Just like gold, they are highly malleable, adjusting to every situation or condition. They help to build the spirit of endurance, patience and perseverance in children. Mothers might be the weaker vessels, but they have a heart of gold and are quite strong inside.

They also help in developing homely skills in the children. Especially the girl child learns how to be a good home keeper from the mother, while forming the image of the kind of husband she wants from the father.

So, both father and mother play very important role in shaping the lives of children. Let me use a computer system to illustrate this. A computer system is made up of the software and hardware. The software is a set of instructions programmed into the hardware, which guides the operations of the computer system. Softwares are not touchable, while hardwares are touchable and visible.

Mothers play the role of softwares, they codify values into the child’s life, while fathers play more of the hardware role, helping the child’s physical and mental growth. As you know that a computer system cannot function without a software and an hardware, likewise a child may not be at his or her best without both parents playing their roles.

This is why single parenting poses a lot of challenges for every party involved; the single parent, the child and the society. While appreciating that some did not choose to become single parents, it is quite disturbing that many young people are now deliberately choosing the route of single parenting, forgetting that while they may have achieved their personal goals, they often end up raising dysfunctional children.

For us to put single parenting in proper perspective, I will devote the last part of this series to single parenting and how our society is approaching the edge due to parents either shirking or failing in discharging their responsibilities.

So please join me as we do this together next week. Have a wonderful week and Merry Christmas in advance.

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

Instagram: onadol

Twitter: @DewumiOni

Parenting (8)

The role of mothers in parenting cannot be over-emphasized. Mothers are gifts to humanity, as they play several roles. Especially present day mothers, who have to juggle career with family life, it can be quite tasking.

A major role of a mother in parenting is to nurture the child. Like the father, a mother is also a nurturer (read Parenting 3). Only that in the case of a mother, she nurtures the child by feeding, ensuring that the nutritional needs of the child is met. This is why women would sacrifice anything to ensure their children eat. She also ensures that the child is well clothed. She equally nurtures the child with values.

Another role of a mother is companionship. It is unarguable that most mothers spend more time with their children than the fathers. This creates bonding and sense of love for the children. Such children grow up to become loving and lovable people. Any child deprived of motherly love and time usually ends up being difficult to relate with. This is one of the reasons for breakups in relationships and marriages, when one or two unloved adults meet, there will likely be issues relating with each other.

Mothers also pay the role of teachers. They teach their children almost everything, from school homework to how to wear shoes. This role is meant to be complemented by fathers, so that the values being taught can be reinforced. Children are quick to see through the vulnerability of mothers, and might sometimes disobey the instructions of mothers, but when the father reinforces that instruction, the children tend to fall in line.

Mothers also acts as guides and counsellors for the children. As children grow up into adolescents, mothers help them to understand the changes happening in their bodies and how to deal with such changes. Children that lack this guidance end up experimenting and sometimes becomes victims of drug abuse, teenage pregnancy and might even end up with juvenile delinquencies.

Mothers also help to provide balance in the home. They are like glue that holds everything together when all threatens to break lose. They calm the nerves of fathers, provide warm embrace for children when they have been hurt while suppressing their own emotional needs just to ensure everyone is fine.

It is a Herculean task being a mother in present times. Managing work challenges and family life can be very demanding, yet most women are doing quite a good job at this.

This is perhaps why Proverbs 31 is dedicated to the Virtuous woman. “She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 31:27.

When a woman has to combine her role and that of the father, it comes with a lot of challenges and could leave the children half-formed in character. This is also the case with a single father. We will deep dive into this when we look at the challenges of single parenting.

We will round up on the roles of mothers in parenting next week and then proceed to single parenting.

Have a great week ahead.

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

Instagram: onadol

Twitter: @DewumiOni

Parenting (7)

Apologies for my absence last week, I had a very hectic weekend/Monday and could not get down to write. All things being equal, we will round up this series this year before I take a break.

Concluding on the role of the father, one other major role of a father is to provide leadership.

To lead means to chart path for others to follow. Leaders are best known for their actions and not what they say. Leaders set examples for others to follow, likewise fathers lead their children by the examples they set.

No matter how much you advise or counsel your children, they will follow more of what you do than what you say. It is far easier to lead with examples than to try to coerce children to obey. Fathers who curse or yell at others will likely raise abusive children.

Fathers’ leadership role is not only for the children but for the entire family. Fathers take initiatives. Just like the head determines where the body will go, fathers determine what becomes of their families.

If your family is not what you want it to be, you are probably failing in one area or the other as a father, because the buck stops at your table.

Lead your children with good examples. Lead in words and match it with your deeds. Lead them to excel by making effort to excel at whatever you do. Lead them by walking with them in their turbulent teenage years. If you are not there during their teenage,you would have missed a great opportunity to forge them into strong characters.

Do not be a father figure only, be a father indeed! Fathers do the grunt work, they are the executors. Be involved with your children.

Next week, we will discuss the roles of mothers and then look at Single Parenting and the pitfalls to avoid in marriage.

Happy New Month and welcome to the Yuletide Season.

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

Instagram: onadol

Twitter: @DewumiOni