Who Are You Raising? (4)

“The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature.” –  Abbe Prevost

A father has to be a friend, teacher, role model, and a disciplinarian, all in one. You have to learn to wear different hats at different times. One of such hats is being your children’s best friend. One of the roles of fathers is to be the best friend of their children. 

Best Friend : Your best friend is someone you like and share your secrets with. It is someone you always want to spend your time with. As a father, your children should be looking forward to jumping into your arms after work. You shouldn’t be too busy to sit with them and tell them stories and help them out with their homework. Spending quality time with your children helps in forming a deep bond with them. It is at such times that children pick traits from their father that will be the bedrock of their character. Kindness, patience, gentleness, self discipline and other virtues are usually imbibed by children through close observation of their fathers. Vices are also learnt the same way. 

If you make friends with your children, they will mirror their lives after you. This is the reason you must be the best friend of your children, if you want to raise great sons and daughters. 
Defender : In the same vein, you are your children’s defender. They expect you to defend and protect them against internal and external threats or danger. They implicitly believe in your ability to fight for them. It is important that you don’t betray this trust, because it can lead to crack in the character of your children/ward. Be there for them when they are ill. Be there for them when they are being bullied. Just ensure you don’t let them down when they need you most. 

Stay tuned for the next broadcast. 

Adewumi Oni

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Who Are You Raising? (3)

​Let us take a deeper look at the roles of Fathers in continuation of this series. We will look at the first three in this part and continue with the rest in subsequent part of this series.  
1. Role Model: Children are imitators. They look at how you sit, talk, walk and try to imitate you, even up to mannerisms, especially if they are fond of you. Your child will naturally want to be like you, it is therefore important that you conduct yourself well. For example, if you are walking on the road with your son and you are pressed to urinate. If you stop on the road to urinate, don’t be surprised if your son also starts urinating. He may not understand that it is not a good habit, because he has seen you doing it, he feels cool doing same. The rule is whatever you don’t want your child to do, don’t do it. 

2. Provider: As a father, you are the breadwinner for your home. You are the primary provider of resources for your home. Don’t shift your responsibility to your wife or anyone else, otherwise your sons may grow up believing it is not their responsibility to provide while your daughters may grow up struggling for leadership of the home with their husbands. Pray and work hard to provide for your home, sometimes you may need to deny yourself of certain comfort. Your children will notice your sacrifice and it will help instil selflessness in them. 

3. Decision Maker: One of the most important duties of the Father is decision making. You will have to take decisions from time to time, both major and minor decisions. The more your children see you taking correct decisions, the more they want to be in a position to make decisions too. How you take your decisions also matters. If you seek opinion of your wife or even the children before deciding, the children will likely grow up carrying others along in their decision making moments. This is important for their career. Most dictators grow up with parents who dish out orders without carrying others along. 
Fatherhood is responsibility. You can raise a great child through proper fathering, which requires discipline, love, firmness, wisdom and the Grace of God. 

May God help us to be great fathers and make our children to be greater than us. Amen. 
Till we meet again in the next series, stay blessed. 

Adewumi Oni

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Who Are You Raising? (2)

​​In continuation of our discussion, it is important to define parenting and put it in proper perspective. Merriam Webster Dictionary defines Parenting as ‘the process of taking care of children until they are old enough to take care of themselves, the things that parents do to raise a child.’ It also means raising someone as a child.
Parenting therefore is not a job for the biological parents alone, you can father someone’s else’s child. It is equally important to point out that parenting can be done directly or indirectly. It is direct when you are primarily responsible for the upbringing of the child or ward, while it is indirect when the child or ward chooses you as his or her mentor and assigns the responsibility of fathering to you, or when without your knowledge, someone decides to model his or her life after you.
Going by the word of God, children can’t be left on their own, especially in the developmental stage. That is why Proverbs 22:6 says, ‘Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.’ Children are to be trained upward till they can make decisions on their own. What you impart into them at their developmental stage becomes their guiding principles all through life.
Now, let us look at the role of each parent in parenting, starting with the role of a father. Fathering is one of the most important jobs in the world and the most enriching. Nothing gives such joy as to watch your children becoming great and knowing that you played your part well. Just as God smiles in approval to a true son, we also smile with pride when our children make us proud. Fathering is very rewarding, not just materially but in terms of positive contributions to societal growth.
Many unfathered fathers are occupying places of authority in our nation today and it is one of the reasons for leadership failure. ‘Nemo dat quod non habet’ meaning you can’t give what you don’t have. Some fathers too were not properly fathered, so they find fathering difficult and challenging. Many have also become victims of negative indirect fathering due to the failure or absence of the direct father. Who is your child’s role model? You or someone else?
To be able to father rightly, you need to understand the roles of a father. Some of the roles are:

1. Role Model

2. Provider

3. Decision Maker

4. Best Friend

5. Defender

6. Arbitrator

7. Guider

8. Teacher

9. Destiny Moulder

10. Refiner
We will continue tomorrow by examining each of these roles in detail. Stay blessed and enjoy your day.

Adewumi Oni

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Who Are You Raising? (1)

Raising your children or wards is by no means a mean job. It is almost a lifetime duty. It may be apt to say parenting is one of the most important works, yet one of the jobs least prepared for. People go to colleges and universities to acquire skills and trainings to excel in the work place or business world, yet pay the least attention to being trained as a parent. 
The state of our world today is the direct reflection of the quality of parenting provided yesterday. Pant sagging, body piercing, tattoo designs, smoking and other juvenile delinquencies (sadly they are no longer restricted to the teenagers) are often the results of poor parenting. 
I feel sad each time I see these young ones involved in these vices or when I see parents doing things children shouldn’t be caught doing in the presence of their children and wards. It is therefore not surprising that we are increasingly  having young adults who are always looking for shortcut, or will always cheat in exams,  or who will never stay on queue, or who can’t even manage their finances and are always borrowing no matter how much they earn. 
The objectives of this series are:

1. To emphasize the importance of good parenting in building a great nation 

2. To train the trainers (parents) on being a good role model for their children or wards. 

3.  To speak to the hearts of our youth and cause a rebirth where necessary. 
My hope is that at the end of this series, as a parent you will be able to predict with some degree of certainty who your children or wards will become, or make adjustments where you have been erring. 
I enjoin you to stay with me in this series. Thank you and have a great week ahead. 
​Adewumi Oni

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Balancing Spirituality with Secularity (3)

There were two men in the scripture who lived different lives while alive but both made heaven. One lived as a wealthy man, highly influential and well respected, and a God fearing man whom God testified about. The second was a beggarly poor man who was comfortable eating from the crumbs that fell from the table of a cruel rich man. 
Ironically both Abraham and Lazarus made heaven, but if all believers were to live Lazarus lifestyle, then following God would make no meaning and His promise of adding other things would have been an empty promise. It is therefore instructive to note that any form of Spirituality that cedes or abandons secular responsibilities is the highest form of spiritual malady. 
If we are called to be the Salt of the earth and we keep denying the existence of the earth by continuing to leave earthly affairs in the hands of slaves, then we should not complain when we are being treated like slaves in our father’s house. 
The time is thus ripe for us to take both our heavenly position and occupy our earthly thrones so that our sojourn here on earth before departing for our heavenly home can be impactful and meaningful. The Lord is not coming for a body that is cowering under the oppression of the servants. He is coming for a glorious body, a strong and powerful followers. 
Balancing your Spirituality with Secularity is therefore necessary for a change in the present composition of the world order. I pray that the eyes of your understanding will be enlightened, that you may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints. Eph.1:18
Have a great day and remain blessed. 

​Adewumi Oni

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Balancing Spirituality with Secularity (2)

In continuation of our discussion, we will anchor our discussion on Matthew 6:33 which says, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness ; and all these things shall be added unto you.” This is perhaps one verse of the scripture that has been used more than ever by believers and yet the least understood. 
The first part addresses the Spirituality side of man. ‘Seek you first the Kingdom of God’, meaning seeking God and His kingdom should be man’s first priority. Man should seek to maintain his relationship with God, strive to get his fellow men to also have and maintain that relationship with God, and by so doing the kingdom of God on earth will be established. 
The second part ‘and His righteousness’, addresses man’s code of conduct in his earthly affairs. While the third part ‘and these things shall be added unto you’, addresses the secular part of man’s mandate. The other things include career, business pursuit, material possession, wealth and riches. 
However, somewhere in between this verse is something many of us have been missing for a long time. This is in the word ‘First’. The first part that says ‘seek ye first’ means let God be your priority, and you can then seek other things. This is where many of us have been wrong for years. We have been seeking God while leaving other things which include governance, business pursuit and others untouched. This is the reason why we have left the political field for people who have no business being in government. 
Unfortunately, every decision made by these people have immediate and far reaching effect on all of us and even our unborn children, mindless of the fact that we are seeking God. In seeking God first, you must necessarily seek other things because you are to have dominion and subdue the earth. God has promised to add those other things to you, but they will not just drop on your laps, you will work towards them be added to you.

 
This is why ‘sowing seed’  without finding gainful employment will only lead to frustration. It is also why the business you labour hard to build will become the victim of multiple taxation in the hands of heartless government officials who have lost touch with God. 
Seek God first, then seek other things, including political office and participation in government. If we continue to hide, we will continue to be victims of wrong policies. How do you live a righteous life in a system that is perversely corrupt? Sadly, the perversion will continue to increase because we keep allowing more of the perverts to rule over us. It is time to say No. 
Stay tuned for the third part of this series in the next broadcast. 
Have a great day and stay blessed. 

​Adewumi Oni

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Balancing Spirituality with Secularity (1)

We are spiritual beings on assignment on Earth and with a body that has time limit. While still on earth, we must be spiritually conscious of our permanent home, which is in heaven, and at the same, we must be physically responsible to make an impact in the world. 
In other words, we must be heavenly conscious but also earthly responsible. Striking the balance between these two has been a challenge for many, and it is one of the major reasons why things are not working as they should. Some are overly conscious of Heaven but completely irresponsible towards their earthly obligations, while for some, it is the other way round. 
This series is therefore conceived to help us strike the right balance so that we can be a success reference both in the spiritual and secular realm. I am hoping that it will be helpful for many. 
To start with, let us define the man and man’s mission. Man is a being created in the image of God with the five fold objectives of being fruitful, multiplying, subduing, replenishing and having dominion in the earth, while also maintaining constant fellowship with God whom we will return back to later. 
The tragedy is that some have lost that connection and relationship with God in the quest to fulfil the five fold objectives. Worse still some are still in connection with God but have ceded their rights to even have dominion on the earth. These two tragedies form the crux of all human travails. Striking the right balance will lead to the emergence of the sons and daughters of God, as well as the establishment of God’s kingdom on earth. 
Join me in the second part of the series in the next series. 
Have a great day and remain blessed. 
​Adewumi Oni

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ARE YOUR CHILDREN SEXY?

​​A memo to 21st century parents, written by Igbafe Oluseye
Few weeks ago, I was at the local airport and as I waited in the departure lounge, I noticed there were many children roaming about but it was understandable since it was summer holiday.
One other thing I noticed was the way most of the children were dressed. Most of them, especially the girls, were dressed in bum shorts, halter necks, cut off jeans, etc. The clothes in themselves weren’t the issue per se; it was the overall look of the children that had me bothered. That was definitely not the first time I noticed it.
A few months before, I had taken my kids to a birthday party and found myself in what could easily have been a night club for kids. Scanty clothing such as tight or very short clothes, bum shorts, long weaves, etc, seemed to be the dress code. I noticed my son glancing around, probably wondering, “What in God’s world are these other children wearing?” Or something like that. Not long after, the kids were called out to dance to the hit songs of the season – these songs in my opinion should be rated PG 16. 4 – 6 year olds trooped to the dance floor, miming the sexually explicit songs and gyrating their bodies in the most sensual manner. 
They could have given Beyonce a run for her money. They ran their hands over their bodies, shook their booties hard while their parents cheered them on. The boys had their upper shirts unbuttoned and rapped along perfectly to gangsta raps while doing flawless break dance. Those who danced like actual children where shooed off the dance floor while the lewd ones were cheered on. As I watched, my child stared out of this circle looking longingly at the others dancing. I knew it was time to leave.
As we left, we went to an eatery where I bought them ice cream and gently explained to them the concept of decency and dancing with decorum. Another time, at a game arcade for kids, I ran

into a lady who had made-up her kids’ faces like they were mannequins for Tara or Mac beauty products. Their skirts were so tight, that running up and down the slide was uncomfortable for them. So the question is, why are we sexualizing our kids? Why does your 4, 6 or 9 year old girl have to look like a chick? Why does she have to be hot or sexy? Should your 8 year old son go around with a comb in his hair and his pants sagged almost to his ankles?
If your child wears bum shorts out of the house at age 3, why should she be expected to wear longer ones at 15? If she wears 2 rings and 12 bangles at 6, why won’t she pierce a second ear hole at 17 and her bellybutton at 19? Why won’t your son pierce his own ear at 15? Are you setting your children up to be immodest and indecent? What trend are you starting them on? That all these are fashionable or trendy doesn’t mean it’s ok. What happened to children wearing dresses?
Children can look very nice and decent, they can be well covered and still look good. In this age, when children are being abused. Is it wise to make your child an object of anyone’s sexual attention? When I hear some children belt out sexually explicit lyrics, I ask myself how they became exposed to this songs!
As a parent, you can’t play the CD of such songs and not expect your children to pick them up; the same goes for watching Mtv Base, Channel O, etc with your children. Studies have shown that children exposed to a high level of sexually explicit information tend to become sexually active early. Is that your goal as a parent?
Being a parent involves sacrifice. You will need to avoid listening to such music where your children are. Most of those lyrics demean women and teach your daughter that she’s just a sex toy and her body is for squeezing. It teaches the boys that money is everything and women are things to be used to satisfy their primal urges.
WRITTEN BY 

IGBAFE OLUSEYE

It is a Journey not a Setback

We often find ourselves in situations that look like setbacks, like we don’t belong where we are and like we should have gone further than this. Today I was reflecting on certain things I have experienced and I heard these words in  my spirit man clearly,  “It is a Journey and not a setback.” In my career, I have worked in certain places before and there were times I felt working in those places were career mistakes. Looking back today, it is clear to me that God got me exactly where He wanted me to be when I thought I should not be there. 
I am also passing the same message to you today. It is a Journey and not a Setback, and God has got you exactly where He wants you to be. If you are not where you are today, you can’t get to that place you desire tomorrow. With God and His children, there is no mistake. Every mistake, every misstep and error we think we have made are instruments in His hands for the journey to your destination. Stop thinking you have missed it, your journey doesn’t end where you are, unless you end it yourself.
If the Biblical Samson had requested for strength to pull down the building upon his enemies and still live, God would have granted his request, but he chose to die with his enemies. Don’t die in pity, don’t die in that position, you have not exhausted God’s Grace or Mercy, He has got you exactly where He wants you. 
Joseph chose to be positive in spite of all his setbacks, and those setbacks proved to be rungs on the ladder to fulfilling destiny. I therefore say to you today, “You are heading towards destiny, stay strong because it is a setup for a comeback and not a setback.” 
Have a great night and stay blessed. 
​Adewumi Oni

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Your True Friends Will Sharpen You

Happy New Year to you all. It is my prayer and hope that this year will be far better than all the years we have lived in every aspect of our lives. We will become better persons, achieve greater goals and impact more lives.

 
One of the things we must do this year to make the prayers above become reality is to combine actions with our prayers. Miracles are supernatural intervention of God in the natural affairs of men, and mostly happen when all natural options have failed. So don’t expect a miracle to become a better person without playing your own part. 
One area we have been holding a fallacy as the truth is in the saying that ‘your true friends will accept you as you are.’ We believe that anyone that criticize us is an enemy, and that those who truly love us should accept us just as we are, with all our faults and weaknesses. 
I am not sure anyone loves us more than God, yet He demands higher standard and expectations from us as w grow in Him. He expects us to become more and more mature everyday. The things we do and He overlooks when we first know Him, if we keep doing them as our relationship grows, He begins to scold us and point them out for correction. At some time, He might even just ignore us if we refuse to change. 
How then do you expect your best friend, whether it is your spouse, friend or parent to just ignore your weaknesses and not point them out for you to correct? Though correction must be done in love, if you keep doing the same thing, and your best friend leave you for not changing, it doesn’t make your best friend an enemy, it only means you are not willing to become a better person.
Iron sharpens iron, and if you are not ready to be sharpened by positive criticism from your friends this year, then you have no right to expect your life to be better this year. More than ever before, we are approaching the age in which only the proven and prepared can survive. You therefore need to be ready to take criticisms from your true friends and change. 
You also need to reduce the praise singers around you, they keep you from growing. 
Have a great day and remain blessed. 

 
​Adewumi Oni

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