You Can Rewrite Your Story

It may interest you to know that what you will become in life is not so much a function of what happens TO you, but more of what happens IN you. Nothing limits a man more than his mind. You are what you think. Regardless of your place of birth, background, qualification, skills, or talents, if you cannot see yourself making it with your inner mind, you cannot make it in reality.

You can rewrite your story by reprogramming your mind from expecting negativity, from expecting failure and defeat. Train your mind to always look at the positive side of life. Fill your mind with the promises of God. Meditate on His words. His thoughts are good and peaceful. Jer. 29:11. Stop thinking God is haunting and punishing you. His mercies are everlasting.

After capturing the vision in your mind, begin to take steps towards your vision. Don’t worry about the size of your steps, they may be little or shaky at the beginning, but they will grow to become bigger and confident. Don’t wait for every condition to be perfect. If you observe the wind before sowing, you will never sow.

Get out of the rut. You are not destined to fail. Even if you have failed, try again. Most successes come after many failed attempts. You have a choice to either succeed or fail. So choose success today.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

Great Societies Require Conscious Efforts

Nothing good comes easy. You cannot become great by mere wishful thinking. If you desire greatness, you must work and strive towards it. In the same vein, great societies or nations don’t just become great overnight. They invest time, resources, values and people to become and remain great.

Nations like the US, Canada, Britain, are places we all consider great because of the way they have structured their national lives. There are systems and institutions in place, and both are working. The African continent is unfortunately still very far behind. We lack systems and institutions, and where they exist, they are ridden with corruption.

One of the main reasons for the pitiable and dismal state of the African States is the neglect of our societal values, and this starts from the home. The home is the smallest unit of any society and a society is an amalgamation of homes, while a nation is made up of societies. If our homes are functioning well, then our society and nation will function well.

We have lost it at the home front. Today, instead of encouraging our children to be studious and work hard for anything they want to become, we pamper them and take them to special centres during examination. We complain when teachers flog our kids, as if cane kills. We indulge our children with iPads, iPhones, and ieverything, without imbuing in them the spirit of working and savings to achieve one’s goals.

How come the generation that trekked miles without sandals to school produced better leaders than the chaffeur-driven generation? How come our post independent leaders were mostly in their thirties when they assume leadership positions while our  ‘thirty year olds’ are still tied to their mother’s apron? Such a shame. Our youths now prefer near naked garments, while the youths of the sixties struggled to cover their nakedness.

Where do we go from here? How do we reverse the moral decadence that has permeated every part of our national and continental lives? What is the way forward?

First, we need to come up with National values that will form the foundation for the spirit and letters of our Constitutions. We lack common values that form the basis of relating and transacting. As religious as we claim to be, our words and actions are far from being godly, sometimes near demonic.

Two, homes must be reactivated. Most homes are in comma, or at best dysfunctional. As parents and guardians, we must begin to train our children well. Stop raising weak children, who eat and litter the streets with their sweet or biscuit wraps. Let your children know it is wrong to pee anywhere in the public. Cultivate in them the habit of working and saving during vacations, rather than ‘Disneylanding’. Disney land was made by the sweat of some people, let us produce our own.

Lastly, we must reawaken our enterprising and competitive spirits. The days of free money are gone. Oil money is vanishing. Communal spirit, inter-tribal or inter-ethnic competitions or contests need to be reintroduced. Literary and Debate Societies, where are thou?

It is time to wake up this slumbering giant. We have all it takes to excel and excel we must!

God bless us all.

Good morning!

Stop Waiting for An Airborne Plane

“After decades of talk, we finally began to wean ourselves off foreign oil, and doubled our production of clean energy.” –  President Barack Obama, Speech at 2016 DNC. This is very instructive for my country’s government and other national governments who are running economies relying on a single commodity.

For Nigeria and other oil producing countries, we need to wake up to the reality that the world is moving away from oil. The world is moving to cheaper and cleaner forms of energy. Rather than moaning over depletion of oil revenue, let us shift our focus and energy on diversifying our economies.

It is equally instructive for us in our individual lives, that we should not stay glued to one idea, one line of income or  one cash cow. The world is evolving rapidly, tastes, fashion, lifestyle choices are changing rapidly. So if you don’t want to be left behind you need to embrace the change. Have you been recording low sales, low patronage, low income, it may just be time to switch to the innovative gear. It may be time to change your product or service, or market or sales channel, or even strategy.

Don’t stay glued to an unhealthy relationship, except if you are married. If you are married and you are having issues with your spouse, sit down together and work it out, seek help together, if need be. If you are not married yet and you are going through emotional and physical abuse, yet you are still waiting for your partner to change, it may be like waiting for a plane that has taken off!

As a believer, be receptive to the nudging of the Holy Spirit as a believer. Peter never expected that he will be asked to preach to the Gentiles, Paul did and he recorded more Epistles and acts than Peter.

Stop waiting for a plane that is already airborne.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

Just Before We Round Up

After concluding the series yesterday, one of my mentors reminded me of the importance of three expressions in marriage, and I consider it important to share this before we move on to another topic.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a picture of silver. Proverbs 25:11. When you speak right, your words will bring life. Words are powerful. They can kill and they can restore life. Certain words carry great potency, especially in Marriage.

One of such expressions is ‘I love you’. Most men are guilty of forgetting this expression after a few years in marriage. We are primarily the guilty party as men, myself inclusive. We often hide under the excuse that ‘but she knows I love her, even if I don’t say it’. Another excuse is that ‘if I keep telling her everyday, it might get into her head.’ We also feign ‘busy-ness’ saying ‘I am thinking of how to make money here’. Listen, these are all excuses. There is nothing wives desire more than to be told by their husbands that they are loved. It gives them sense of safety and security. They reciprocate this back in many ways. Don’t just act out love, say  ‘I love you’ to your wife regularly.

Another expression is ‘Thank you’. This is very difficult for some people to say. Maybe it is pride, sense of ingratitude, or dissatisfaction, whatever the reason, you must do away with it. Always appreciate your spouse with the words ‘Thank you’. Thank him for the gifts, for the money provided, no matter how small. Thank him for helping in house chores. Thank your wife after every meal. Thank her for looking after the home. Thank her for being a mother to you all. Just be appreciative. Show your appreciation with words, actions and gifts.

Finally, saying ‘I am sorry’ can save you a whole lot of headache. We already discussed this in the series. Learn to accept and admit when you are wrong, and apologize sincerely. Sometimes, even when you are right, you may need to admit the wrong, for peace sake. Apply wisdom.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

Reasons Why Marriages Fail (7)

Today we will be concluding on this series and I sincerely do hope that it has been helpful and we have all learnt one thing or the other. It is important we have healthy and wholesome Marriages, because they birth great society.

Another reason for failure in Marriages is sex. This comes in various forms, it could be too much libido on one spouse, too little libido, turning down sex overtures by spouses, poor sexual performance and so on. The good news is that there is none of these sexual conditions that cannot be remedied with medication, change in lifestyle and even practice. Again, it boils down to communication. Identify the issues and find a solution together. You can’t keep jumping from marriage to marriage in search of the best sexual partner, that is simply ridiculous! Stay with your spouse and solve the problem together. When you vowed to love him or her with your body, you have ceded full ownership of your body, so stop denying him or her of sex. It is your spouse’s right to ask for sex.

Yet another reason for failure in Marriages is Finance. Also this could be in several forms, poor financial management skill, impetuous spending, extravagance, non disclosure of income, secret savings account and so on. The rule is be opened to your spouse. Let your wife know your financial capacity, otherwise she will be demanding beyond your capacity. Plan your budget together, it helps against frivolous spending. Give each other some leeway in individual finances. If you can have a joint account, fine, but it is not compulsory. Woman, stop wanting to be like the Joneses. Their income may be more than yours, so don’t overburden your husband. Be of help to your husband. Support him financially, even if he doesn’t ask. He will appreciate you more.

Lastly, inability to say ‘Sorry’ when one party errs has broken many homes. The simple act of admitting you are wrong, repenting and apologizing genuinely can save you a world of trouble. Don’t be too proud or arrogant to admit being wrong. You will destroy your home if you are always insisting on being right. Frankly, even when you are right, you sometimes have to accept fault and apologize so that peace will reign. Only fools insist on being right all of the time. Don’t be one.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

Reasons Why Marriages Fail (6)

You can make your marriage an exception from the growing number of divorces. It all depends on you.

Another major reason why marriages fail is lack of conscious effort or laziness on the part of the couple. It may interest you to know that marriage is work, serious work. And like every serious work, you have got to work at it.

When the passion becomes lukewarm, you have to work to raise the temperature again. You have to constantly do things that will keep the spark in your marriage. Go out together. See movies together. Get on a vacation trip together. Just keep doing things that will make your marriage spicy. Naturally you will tend to become bored, you must fight this natural tendency by being innovative.

Make your home a Palace as a wife. Keep your home clean and tidy. Let your man always look forward to being home. Cook varieties. It is not about the money, there are a lot of delicacies that don’t require huge money.

As a husband, take care of your family’s needs. He who cannot take care of his own is worse than an infidel. Don’t leave your spouse at the mercy of your neighbors. Protect her. Defend her. Be her no 2 advocate after Jesus. Don’t ever condemn her in the public, even if she is wrong. Nothing hurts more than that.

Please understand this, marriage is one of those areas of Life where you can’t afford to be lazy. Either as a man or woman, you can’t afford laziness in your marriage, otherwise it will fail.

Pressures of life can crush any marriage, if permitted. When you have been pummeled and bruised by the day’s job, don’t transfer the aggression on your spouse at home. If you could keep mum when your boss was shouting unjustly at you, more than ever, you shouldn’t shout back at your spouse. In a gentle way, let your spouse know what you have been through, so that your spouse can manage your mood well. Don’t assume that you alone went through stuffs. And don’t assume that he should know you are angry. So you have got to talk. This takes us to another reason.

Marriages fail because couples don’t communicate. Couples assume a lot, and most of the time, wrongly. You assume the reason he doesn’t call you during the day is because someone has caught his attention or that he doesn’t care any longer. Meanwhile your man is trying to save his job by meeting crazy deadlines. He is thinking you should understand, without telling you anything about his job. You are thinking he no longer cares. Both of you are thinking and assuming and no one is talking!

This happens a lot in different scenarios and widen the gap between couple until they become strangers to each other. You must constantly communicate both verbally, in writing (text, chats, or even letters) physically and emotionally. If you communicate physically, you will quickly know when something is going wrong with the health of your spouse. You will quickly notice the lines on his or her face, the emaciated look will be quickly noticed. Many spouses have died of terminal diseases without the partners knowing until they passed on. This should not be.

Share your thoughts. Rub minds on issues. Discuss your plans. Clear doubts and suspicions. Don’t leave any wound festering. When you disagree, always ensure you reconcile and reach an agreement.

Amos 3:3. ‘Can two walk together, except they be agreed?’

God bless us all.

Good morning!

Reasons Why Marriages Fail (5)

Perhaps someone is wondering why we are taking so long on this topic. We should, because this is the crux of the rot in our world today. If we have great marriages, we will have great children and we are bound to have a great world. Broken homes birth broken society. Today we will look at one more reason for failure in marriage.

In the words of Audrey Hepburn, “If I get married, I want to stay very married.” One of the reasons for high rate of divorce is third party interference. For the purpose of proper understanding and correct contextual placement, third parties are people who are not bound by the spirit and letters of your marriage vow. Marriage vows are taken by two people, just the groom and bride, and after the vow, they become husband and wife. So anyone else apart from you and your spouse is a third party, including your children. Many homes have been broken due to unwholesome attention on the children at the detriment of the spouse.

Third parties can include parents, children, best friends, colleagues at work, spiritual leaders, neighbors, etc.

‘For this cause, shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they twain shall become one.’ –  Matthew 19:5. In marriage, you are to cleave, or become one with your wife. No one is permitted to come in between you, not even your children. A lot of people are married but still single at heart. Many husbands still run to their mothers for advice on matters that should be discussed with their wives. I call these categories ‘Mummy’s Boys’. For singles, beware of Mummy’s Boys. If he is still tied to his mum’s apron, no other apron can win his heart! Same applies to wives who must discuss every decision taken at home with their parents. You will ruin your marriage, if you continue that way.

Trust in your spouse’s judgment. If you observe any weakness in your spouse judgement ability, pray for him or her, buy books and tapes on decision making and leadership. Don’t sneer or snide at him, reminding him how the last decision led to disaster. You will be breeding hatred in him. Equip your man in the place of prayer. The problem with couples today is that, we complain and talk too much but pray less about our spouse’s weaknesses. You can win the world on your knees, let alone your spouse.

It is equally important to stress that there are times you may require professional advice or counsel. If and when such situations arise, agree together on who to approach and go together. Except in cases of abuse, whether physical or emotional, don’t go seeking counsel alone without your spouse. Be your spouse’s first counselor of resort. Read and study the word of God. There are practical guides in the Bible to guide your decisions.

The second aspect to third party interference is on allowing third party to live with you. In some culture, it is normal for the in-laws to come visiting once in a while. Both of you must agree before hand that your marriage is your garden and not your in-laws garden. Once that is settled, no matter how difficult your in-laws may be, you will be able to manage them. Apply wisdom. Show love, care and attention to your in-laws, even when you are not getting it back. Your good deeds are seeds of turnaround.

Summary of today’s point :

– Don’t allow 3rd party to ruin your home
– Hone your decision making skills
– Your garden is Yours, not your in-laws’.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

Reasons Why Marriages Fail (4)

We have looked at some reasons why marriages are failing, with specific focus on the singles and those engaged to be married. You can visit my blog for series 1-3.

Now, we will shift our focus to the married and what they should avoid to make their marriage last. I am trusting God that through these series, several homes will be restored.

1. One of the major reasons why marriages are failing today is the misconception about the purpose of marriage. Several people have misconception as to why God instituted marriage and so they are always blaming their spouses for not providing what they want. Marriage is principally for companionship and help. Gen. 2:18. God created Eve for Adam, so that he would not be alone and as an helper suitable for Adam.

It is surprising that some spouses still have confidants outside their marriage. Who else should be your confidant, if not your husband or wife? As a man, you should not have a better companion than your wife. Even your mother should not be a better companion. You have left your father and cleaved to your wife. She is now one with you.

Another major problem is that men assume that their wives are housekeepers. The truth is your home is your own Garden of Eden, and it is your primary responsibility as a man to keep and tend your garden. While your wife is to assist you in performing those duties, don’t expect her to carry all the burden of keeping your garden. If you do, she will be worn out, frustrated and won’t be able to give you the love and attention you need. Most women engage in business or paid employment to support their husbands, while they are still expected to keep the home. A good rule of thumb is to treat your wife the way you will treat yourself. Assist her in taking care of the children, laundry and even in the kitchen. It doesn’t make you less of a man.

Even if your wife is having challenge conceiving, it is not a reason to start maltreating her or to throw her out. You are to work together to overcome that challenge. The same applies the other way round. Don’t blame her for the delay. Encourage her. Pray for her. You are her King, don’t desert her. Don’t abuse her in any form, it is unmanly to beat a woman. As a wife, you are the Queen of your home, treat your husband like a King. Help him. Support him. Pray for him. Play your role well. Don’t assume leadership position in the home, you are his ‘helpmeet’ not his ‘equal’. It is most unwise to start competing with your husband.

Husband, love your wife and wife submit to your husband. Eph. 5:33.

Summary of today’s point:

– Understand the true purpose of marriage.
– It is first for companionship
– It is next for help.
– Understand your role in the marriage and play it well.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

Reasons Why Marriages Fail (3)

We have been looking at reasons why many marriages are failing and our focus has been on those intending to contract a marriage relationship. We will yet look at two more reasons before we proceed to those who are already married.

Recap of yesterday’s lesson :
– Don’t expect perfection, give room for imperfections.
– Agree before marriage
– Adjust in marriage
– Accommodate each other.

Today, we are looking at two reasons.

1. Marrying someone because of his or her wealth, in the absence of true love and affection is a sure recipe for divorce. If the only reason you want to marry that man is because he is rich and loaded and knows how to spend on women, then you are in for a hell of a shock. He will spend on other women as well.

Moreso, riches are not guaranteed to last forever, so what happens if he suddenly loses his wealth? Proverbs 23:5, ‘Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not? for riches certainly make themselves wings: they fly away as an eagle toward heaven.’ Don’t waste his time if you don’t love him and can’t live with his weaknesses. I am not counselling you to look for paupers as spouses. Just let his wealth be just a supporting factor and not the main reason.

Also, if you marry someone with riches and no vision, you will both end up being poor. Visions feed riches and wealth. Show me a man of vision and I will show you a man of substance. Vision naturally attracts provision. So ask your man for his vision. Where is he going? If he doesn’t know where he is going, he has no right to take you along! Also, be sure you can follow him to achieve his vision.
2. In the same vein, marrying someone because of her beauty or shape is erroneous, if the underlying assumption of mutual love, affection and acceptance, is not satisfied. Beauty fades away. Age and child bearing will change that shape you so much admire today. So ask yourself, will I still love her if she grows fatter after bearing children for me? Will I be contented with her? Do you want to marry a model or a mother? A model is obsessed with keeping her shape and will do everything to keep that shape, even if it means denying you some rights. A mother sacrifices her body to nurture you and your children. Go for a woman with a motherly heart. Go for a woman with a beautiful heart. Proverbs 31:30.

Summary of today’s lessons:

1. Don’t marry for riches.
– Riches don’t last forever
– Marry a man with a vision

2. Don’t marry for beauty, beauty is vain.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

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adewumioni.com

Reasons Why Marriages Fail (2)

Still addressing those who are yet to marry, today we will look at one more  reason.

A quick recap of yesterday’s Lesson.
– Don’t fall in love but slide into love
– Pay attention to your sense of reasoning
– Do not be in a hurry

Another major reason why Marriages fail is going into marriage with the notion that your partner is an angel or a perfect person. Note this, no man can be like an angel and even angels have their areas of strength. Asking Angel Gabriel to lead a battle is like putting a square peg in a round hole, he is more of a messenger. Likewise, everyone has his or her strengths and limitations. No one is perfect. So you must give room for mistakes, foibles, weaknesses and short comings in your spouse. Marriage shows you your real self and your real spouse. The partner in relationship and courtship is rarely the same in marriage. In marriage, you will see each other as you are. So, make up your mind to do these three things with your spouse:

1. Adjust: Adjust your idiosyncrasies to realities. Don’t judge your marriage based on the romance movies you see on TV. Get down from your horse. Gen. 24:64. You adjust in marriage.

2. Agree: Agree with each other on making your marriage work. Agree together that no matter what none of you will quit until death parts you. Agree together on how to manage your finances, duties, limits, boundaries for in-laws, choice of place or form of worship, school for your kids, etc. You agree before marriage.

3. Accommodate: Be ready to live with the weaknesses of your spouse and to make up for those weaknesses. You are meant to complement each other, so do just that. Don’t always be at his or her neck pointing out his or her weaknesses. Rather, accept the weakness and encourage your spouse to minimize or overcome the weakness. Don’t go about telling third party about your spouse’s weaknesses. You are pulling down your home by so doing. Prov. 14:1.

Summary of today’s lesson:
– Don’t expect perfection
– Adjust, Agree and Accommodate.

God bless us all.

Good morning!