David and Michelle can be described as lovebirds, they are always in each other’s company. David runs a private consulting firm and business has been so good in the last two years. Michelle on her part got a job in one of the new generation banks, after four years in an insurance company.

The change in fortune for the enviable couple meant change of accommodation. They took a mortgage loan and bought a house in a semi-upper class area in Lekki. It is a five room duplex and so there is extra room for one or two guests, a complete departure from their rented two bedroom apartment at Gbagada.

The problem with this new level is that Michelle spends less time at home returning home late at night and sometimes going on official engagement on weekends. This has left them with no choice than to get a helping hand. 

Ebele is a 19 year old girl who lost her dad while writing her WAEC. Her Uncles took over her father’s properties immediately her dad died from road accident. Her mother was thrown out and their once rosy life took a downturn. Ebele decided to get a job anyhow to save towards her University education and support her mum and two siblings.

Ebele got the job with the Abioyes and was grateful to God. She fell in love with the Abioyes two lovely children (David Junior and Sophia, 5yrs and 3yrs). David and Michelle also took an instant liking for Ebele, who speaks very good English and takes their children like her siblings.

After six months with the Abioyes, David returned back early one mid-afternoon to pick up a document he left at home. He parked outside and rushed in to the sitting room. The sight he met changed his life forever. It was Ebele asleep on the couch in bra and pant. Apparently she fell asleep after finishing housechore and wanted to enjoy the Air Conditioner in the sitting room before going to take her bath.

She was startled awake by the bang of the door as Uncle David ran in. As she stood to dash in the room, her bra fell off because she didn’t hold the strap at the back. She ran and left the bra on the floor of the living room. David struggled to run up the stairs to pick the documents and drove back to work. 

From then on, David’s mind kept replaying the entire scene. He couldn’t tell his wife. Ebele too started avoiding direct eye contact with him, but always caught Uncle David staring somehow at her.

A week after David returned back home around 11am and asked Ebele to prepare early lunch for him and bring it to the bedroom. Ebele woke up at 1pm in the arms of Uncle David after they have had sex. Thus began their steamy affair and was on for months until Ebele missed her period. 

Unfortunately David’s mother came visiting and was the first to observe the change in Ebele’s body. She drew the attention of Michelle to this and after deep interrogation, Ebele was taking for pregnancy test, and it turned out positive. Ebele confessed when Grandma threatened to beat the living day out of her and all hell broke loose. (End of story)

Questions

1. Where did the Abioyes get it wrong?

2. Should David have told his wife when he stumbled into Ebele scantily cladded?

3. What should they do?

4. What are the learning points of the story?

Have a great week!

Adewumi Oni

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Anything you give attention to will appreciate. If you give more attention to your spouse, he or she will become a better person and you will enjoy your relationship better. If you give attention to your job or business, you will become better at it and you will make more income or profits. Likewise if you give attention to your enemies, they will become more and more powerful. Rather than giving attention to your enemies, give attention to your Maker, who is also the Maker of your enemies, and He will cause them to be at peace with you.

The Law of Attention is real and applies in every area of our life. Stop giving unnecessary attention to your enemies, rather give that time to God. Try praising and worshiping God instead of engaging in long prayers against your enemies.

As we conclude this series today, we will look at how to relate or interact with your enemies.

There are some enemies you need to keep afar, even though you can be praying for them and sending them gifts or goodwill messages. You need to keep them afar until God touches their hearts because they can wreck physical harm. Joseph and Mary were instructed by an angel to take baby Jesus away from Bethlehem of Judea to Egypt. You sometimes need to avoid contact with the enemies.

Some enemies must be drawn close so that you can win them over with love. Love is God and God is Love. Nothing wins an enemy over more than love. Remember Mahatma Gandhi’s quote of yesterday. Shower them with love and their heart will eventually melt towards us. They may become more angry initially, they may envy you more, but eventually they will be broken. This was Nelson Mandela’s principle, that stood him out as a legendary leader before and after his demise.

Some other enemies need to be listened to, because they say the truth about you, though sometimes exaggeratedly nonetheless the truth. Such could be critics in workplace, business, ministry, government or politics. Listen to their message and not the messenger. Their messages are sometimes laden with truths and if you pay attention to it, you will become a better person.

Finally, some enemies require to be told the truth. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit. Prov. 26:5. They hate you because they are ignorant of the truth, so tell them the truth so that they may learn.

In conclusion, be sure that you are not consciously or unconsciously becoming an enemy to others too. Sow more of seed of love and you will find love always coming back to you.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

The next most important relationship you need to maintain, after your relationship with God, is your relationship with your family.

Family can be Nuclear or Extended. Both are important, but you must tend your Nuclear family very well. A nuclear family is made up of father, mother and children, while extended family covers all other relations.

Your family is your first back up when things go wrong. They are your pillars. You must take time and care to cultivate your relationship with your family. ‘The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works, is the family.’  –  Lee Iacocca. When everybody deserts you, the only people that will be left are your family members. This means you also have to be there for your family members during thick and thin. Be committed to them.

Sometimes you may have difficult family members, and dealing with them may be stressful, but you need them just like they need you. So you need patience, wisdom and a lot of tolerance to manage such difficult ones. Honor your parents and take care of them. Love and respect your spouse. Don’t give them any reason to doubt your commitment to them. Friends may leave when the going gets tough, but it is not easy for family to leave. Blood is thicker than water, as the saying goes.

Nothing hurts more than being deserted by family members when one is experiencing difficulties. It means you also must watch the seeds you are sowing, because it will surely come back to you. Cherish your family and they will always be there for you.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

After concluding the series yesterday, one of my mentors reminded me of the importance of three expressions in marriage, and I consider it important to share this before we move on to another topic.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a picture of silver. Proverbs 25:11. When you speak right, your words will bring life. Words are powerful. They can kill and they can restore life. Certain words carry great potency, especially in Marriage.

One of such expressions is ‘I love you’. Most men are guilty of forgetting this expression after a few years in marriage. We are primarily the guilty party as men, myself inclusive. We often hide under the excuse that ‘but she knows I love her, even if I don’t say it’. Another excuse is that ‘if I keep telling her everyday, it might get into her head.’ We also feign ‘busy-ness’ saying ‘I am thinking of how to make money here’. Listen, these are all excuses. There is nothing wives desire more than to be told by their husbands that they are loved. It gives them sense of safety and security. They reciprocate this back in many ways. Don’t just act out love, say  ‘I love you’ to your wife regularly.

Another expression is ‘Thank you’. This is very difficult for some people to say. Maybe it is pride, sense of ingratitude, or dissatisfaction, whatever the reason, you must do away with it. Always appreciate your spouse with the words ‘Thank you’. Thank him for the gifts, for the money provided, no matter how small. Thank him for helping in house chores. Thank your wife after every meal. Thank her for looking after the home. Thank her for being a mother to you all. Just be appreciative. Show your appreciation with words, actions and gifts.

Finally, saying ‘I am sorry’ can save you a whole lot of headache. We already discussed this in the series. Learn to accept and admit when you are wrong, and apologize sincerely. Sometimes, even when you are right, you may need to admit the wrong, for peace sake. Apply wisdom.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

Today we will be concluding on this series and I sincerely do hope that it has been helpful and we have all learnt one thing or the other. It is important we have healthy and wholesome Marriages, because they birth great society.

Another reason for failure in Marriages is sex. This comes in various forms, it could be too much libido on one spouse, too little libido, turning down sex overtures by spouses, poor sexual performance and so on. The good news is that there is none of these sexual conditions that cannot be remedied with medication, change in lifestyle and even practice. Again, it boils down to communication. Identify the issues and find a solution together. You can’t keep jumping from marriage to marriage in search of the best sexual partner, that is simply ridiculous! Stay with your spouse and solve the problem together. When you vowed to love him or her with your body, you have ceded full ownership of your body, so stop denying him or her of sex. It is your spouse’s right to ask for sex.

Yet another reason for failure in Marriages is Finance. Also this could be in several forms, poor financial management skill, impetuous spending, extravagance, non disclosure of income, secret savings account and so on. The rule is be opened to your spouse. Let your wife know your financial capacity, otherwise she will be demanding beyond your capacity. Plan your budget together, it helps against frivolous spending. Give each other some leeway in individual finances. If you can have a joint account, fine, but it is not compulsory. Woman, stop wanting to be like the Joneses. Their income may be more than yours, so don’t overburden your husband. Be of help to your husband. Support him financially, even if he doesn’t ask. He will appreciate you more.

Lastly, inability to say ‘Sorry’ when one party errs has broken many homes. The simple act of admitting you are wrong, repenting and apologizing genuinely can save you a world of trouble. Don’t be too proud or arrogant to admit being wrong. You will destroy your home if you are always insisting on being right. Frankly, even when you are right, you sometimes have to accept fault and apologize so that peace will reign. Only fools insist on being right all of the time. Don’t be one.

God bless us all.

Good morning!

You can make your marriage an exception from the growing number of divorces. It all depends on you.

Another major reason why marriages fail is lack of conscious effort or laziness on the part of the couple. It may interest you to know that marriage is work, serious work. And like every serious work, you have got to work at it.

When the passion becomes lukewarm, you have to work to raise the temperature again. You have to constantly do things that will keep the spark in your marriage. Go out together. See movies together. Get on a vacation trip together. Just keep doing things that will make your marriage spicy. Naturally you will tend to become bored, you must fight this natural tendency by being innovative.

Make your home a Palace as a wife. Keep your home clean and tidy. Let your man always look forward to being home. Cook varieties. It is not about the money, there are a lot of delicacies that don’t require huge money.

As a husband, take care of your family’s needs. He who cannot take care of his own is worse than an infidel. Don’t leave your spouse at the mercy of your neighbors. Protect her. Defend her. Be her no 2 advocate after Jesus. Don’t ever condemn her in the public, even if she is wrong. Nothing hurts more than that.

Please understand this, marriage is one of those areas of Life where you can’t afford to be lazy. Either as a man or woman, you can’t afford laziness in your marriage, otherwise it will fail.

Pressures of life can crush any marriage, if permitted. When you have been pummeled and bruised by the day’s job, don’t transfer the aggression on your spouse at home. If you could keep mum when your boss was shouting unjustly at you, more than ever, you shouldn’t shout back at your spouse. In a gentle way, let your spouse know what you have been through, so that your spouse can manage your mood well. Don’t assume that you alone went through stuffs. And don’t assume that he should know you are angry. So you have got to talk. This takes us to another reason.

Marriages fail because couples don’t communicate. Couples assume a lot, and most of the time, wrongly. You assume the reason he doesn’t call you during the day is because someone has caught his attention or that he doesn’t care any longer. Meanwhile your man is trying to save his job by meeting crazy deadlines. He is thinking you should understand, without telling you anything about his job. You are thinking he no longer cares. Both of you are thinking and assuming and no one is talking!

This happens a lot in different scenarios and widen the gap between couple until they become strangers to each other. You must constantly communicate both verbally, in writing (text, chats, or even letters) physically and emotionally. If you communicate physically, you will quickly know when something is going wrong with the health of your spouse. You will quickly notice the lines on his or her face, the emaciated look will be quickly noticed. Many spouses have died of terminal diseases without the partners knowing until they passed on. This should not be.

Share your thoughts. Rub minds on issues. Discuss your plans. Clear doubts and suspicions. Don’t leave any wound festering. When you disagree, always ensure you reconcile and reach an agreement.

Amos 3:3. ‘Can two walk together, except they be agreed?’

God bless us all.

Good morning!