David met Fatima on an official assignment in Jos. The two struck off immediately and had lunch together throughout his one week engagement in Jos. He works with a Consultant Firm while Fatima works with a legal firm, both based in Lagos.

They started seeing each other on their return to Lagos. Both of them knew they were going to face serious challenges should they decide to take their relationship further, being from different religion.

David is from a devout Anglican family while Fatima is from a staunch member of the NASFAT sect of Islam. However they are both madly in love and have vowed to weather the storm of parental acceptance together.

They have both agreed to teach their future children about both religion and allow them make their choices. They both respect each other’s religion.

Both parents upon knowledge of their relationship have refused to consent to their intention to marry. David’s father even threatened to disown him, while Fatima’s father warned her she will lose her portion of inheritance if she marries David.

They are determined to dare the odds but the pressure from friends, family and their religious circles is becoming unbearable. What should they do? Should religion hinder marriage relationship? Share your thoughts.

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

http://www.adewumioni.com

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/adewumi.oni

Twitter: onadol2010

Kike’s story resonates with several young girls and women who for one reason or the other have found themselves carrying a pregnancy that was never planned for or expected.

So in rounding up this discussion, we will try to look out both the victims and the support systems available in our society.

I got some interesting responses and mostly skewed towards aborting the pregnancy. Quite understandable because we usually prefer the path of least resistance or the path with less troubles.

Now let us logically look at the Pros and Cons of both.

Abort

Pros:

Kike saves herself from embarrassment.

Kike can continue to lead a ‘normal life.’

The unborn child would not have to fight identity battle.

Cons:

Kike can have health complications in the process.

Kike would have to deal with her conscience for life.

Another life has been truncated.

Keep

Pros:

Kike becomes a carrier of life and births a destiny

Saves herself from complications arising from abortion

Cons:

Kike can’t lead a normal life again

She has to deal with the financial issues of nursing the pregnancy and child

She might have to deal with the issue of stigmatisation. (You can add to this list)

Now leaving logic, it is important to note that the process of conception is spiritual, without belittling our knowledge of biology. Every child that is conceived is a divine gift and should be dealt with as such. If there was no purpose for the child, God wouldn’t have allowed the conception.

It doesn’t matter what the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy are, it remains a gift from God. You can however choose to accept it or reject it.

The same way we cringe when we watch someone being beaten to death, is the same way heaven cringes when we abort, especially when it is a premeditated one, and not a life threatening situation.

This is not an easy choice, I quite agree, but this is what I recommend for anyone out there with a similar case.

Now, one of the reasons people go for abortion is the support system available for unwanted pregnancy. We are a cold society, who delights in pointing fingers and ostracizing women in such situations. Next week, we will discuss the Support at length.

Good morning and have a great week.

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

http://www.adewumioni.com

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/adewumi.oni

Twitter: onadol2010

Kike woke up early that fateful morning two months ago. She lives with her elder sister and her family. She had to prepare breakfast for her two nieces and get them ready for the school bus, before leaving for work. She finished all of these by 6:05am and left the house with the intention of walking to the Estate gate where she usually joins ‘Danfo’ bus to Victoria Island where she works.

She had only taken a few steps before she felt a tap on her shoulder and someone covering her nose with a piece of cloth with some strange smell. That was the last thing she recalled before waking up. She woke up in an uncompleted building and found her skirt and underwear ripped. She felt weak and felt something running down her legs as she made attempt to walk.

She tried looking for her bag and found it a few feet from her with the content littered on the floor. Her phone was gone. She tried shouting for help but her voice was barely audible. She managed to walk to the road and flagged down a vehicle driving towards the gate. The vehicle stopped and before she could walk down to the vehicle , she passed out again.

She woke up on the hospital bed about an hour later. The good Samaritan had left for work leaving a note and phone number. The nurse told her she has been raped and medications have been administered on her. She was discharged two days later after running some tests.

Two months later, Kike started feeling sick, nauseous and weak. She thought it was malaria and went to the hospital, but the doctor shocked her that she was 7 weeks pregnant. Her world came tumbling down. Why? How? What do I do now? These were the questions running through her mind.

When she told her sister and brother in-law later in the evening, they were both shocked and confused. They later advised her to abort the pregnancy, but her mum called that she should not abort the pregnancy. How do you keep a baby you don’t even know the father? Who will marry her with such a baggage?

She is confused. What should she do? Share your opinion.

Good morning and have a great week.

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

http://www.adewumioni.com

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/adewumi.oni

Twitter: onadol2010

Moral from this case is that marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities and requires a lot of wisdom and tact to manage all the parties involved.

Truly, marriage is between two people, but in reality it is between two families. As a man, you must accept your wife’s family if you want to enjoy your marriage. As a woman, your husband’s people become your people, you either accept it and enjoy your peace or fight it and live in frustration.

It is therefore very important to know the family you are marrying into, not just the man or woman you have fallen in love with. Your love will be strained if your spouse’s family is difficult.

Back to Emeka and Simi, first Emeka has to protect his wife from undue stress, especially considering her pregnancy. Emeka’s best option would be to have a heart to heart discussion with his mother. Since the mother has chosen to live with them, she must understand that Simi is the manager of the house. She can only offer advice in a gentle and loving manner and not issue instructions.

Emeka can also request his elder sisters to talk to their mother to take it easy on Simi. He might also need to talk to Simi to exercise more patient and be a bit more tolerant.

If all of these fail, then Emeka might have to secure accommodation for the mother and get an elderly care assistant to be with the mother, while he checks on her regularly. This however should be the last option.

It is good to avoid some troubles than managing it. For the unmarried ones, look before you leap. For those already married and are going through situations like this, God will give you grace and wisdom to manage it.

Good morning and have a great week.

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

http://www.adewumioni.com

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/adewumi.oni

Twitter: onadol2010

He was lost in thought as he sat in the garden. As melodious as the combination of the chirping of the birds and the gentle breeze from the trees is, it did not help in any way to reduce the heavy weight on Emeka’s mind.

He has been sitting alone for over an hour. He left the living room in anger an hour ago, after his wife and mother exchanged harsh words. His marriage of five years appeared to be under threat with the latest episode between his wife, Simi and his mother.

Simi is a beautiful, quiet and reserved woman. He recalls what attracted him to her when he first saw her at the neighborhood shopping mall six years ago. She was on the queue to make payment and another lady tried to jump the queue. While others shouted down on the lady, Simi just waved it off and even pleaded that they allow the lady.

They courted for one year before getting married. Mama has always been the “Margaret Thatcher” of the family. She is a no nonsense woman and was very strict with her three children while growing up, Emeka being the last born and only son. His elder sisters are married and both abroad. She is very meticulous and even at 70 she still wants everything set and tidy.

Since Emeka’s father passed on four years ago, Mama has been complaining of loneliness and moved in to stay with his son’s family a year ago. Since then it has been one issue or the other. If it isn’t about the placement of the plates, it would be about the unswept compound. Even the maid has been tutored severally by Mama.

Simi has been managing it all but since she got pregnant four months ago, she has been very edgy. Coping with Charles, their first child, Mama and the pregnancy is becoming too much for her. She has been finding it difficult to cope with Mama and has been talking to Emeka to allow Mama return to her husband’s house.

Emeka can’t bear the thought of asking her aging mother to live alone, yet he loves his wife dearly. Emeka feels indebted to the mother, being her favorite. Moreover the children already decided to give the family house to a Management Company.

Emeka is confused. What should he do?

Share your thoughts and advice.

Good morning and have a great week.

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

http://www.adewumioni.com

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/adewumi.oni

Twitter: onadol2010

Let me quickly say there are three checks or approvals needed in the area of choice of life partner.

1. Self Approval

2. God Approval

3. Parental Approval

Self-Approval: As a man, you have the primary responsibility of finding your wife. “He that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour of the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22.

You should be able to answer the following questions:

Is this person my friend? There is nothing as good as marrying a friend

Are we mutually attracted to each other? This is important.

Do we share similar dreams and vision? Or our dreams are at cross purposes?

Do we share common faith?

God Approval: God is interested in your life and wants the best for you, so you should seek His approval about whoever you have found. God may show you your partner and He may not, depending on how you relate with him. It is however erroneous to wait on ‘Men of God’ to show you your partner. They can only guide you in your choice. How do you know God approves of your choice?

Inner peace will be present

There will be confirmations by others

Things will start falling into place

Parental Approval: This is very important and cannot be pushed aside. Parents have spiritual covering over their children and their blessings are very important. This is why we are asked to honour our parents, so that our days may be long. Exodus 20:12. If you honor them, life will honor you. You will live well and long. Honoring them even when it means breaking up a cherished relationship as in the case study will attract God’s blessing and give you a better replacement. Each time you obey God’s instruction even when it is not convenient, you will get His Blessings.

Your parents carry more weight and blessings than your spiritual parents. Anyone that encourages you to disobey your parents should be avoided, except where your parents are asking you to violate God’s instruction.

God cannot be put in a spot, He has several alternatives. You will not miss out if you obey Him. Even if you get disappointed by your choice, God can fix it, so don’t fret.

Have a great week. Cheers!

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

http://www.adewumioni.com

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/adewumi.oni

Twitter: onadol2010

This scenario resonates with a lot of people. There have been cases where Parents have clamped down on relationships with or without cogent reasons, and one wonders if parents have such rights.

In discussing this Case, we will provide answers to the following questions:

Do parents have the right to choose for their children or wards?

Should one heed the parents when they say ‘No’ to one’s choice?

Are spiritual parents more important than biological parents?

Where there is a conflict between Spiritual and Biological parents, who should one obey?

Is there just one man or woman destined for me to marry? If I miss that person, does it mean I can’t enjoy marital life?

Before we wrap up on this Case, we will discuss these questions and then close it. I strongly believe this topic (Parental Consent) requires in-depth discussion.

So let us start the discussion. Join this thread to share your views.

Thank you and have a great week.

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

http://www.adewumioni.com

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/adewumi.oni

Twitter: onadol2010

Sandra sat down lost in thought under the Mahogany tree in front of her parent’s house. She has been at it for over two hours, until her Mum came checking on her.

Mother: Sandra, are you still bothered over our discussion?

Sandra: (sighs)

Mother: You know your father and I love you and we want the best for you. We will give our blessing to whoever you choose, but as a responsible parent we need to let you know our concerns and reservations.

Sandra: Mum, I know but it is not like this is an easy decision to take. Dave and I are deeply in love, and he has built his future around me. How do I tell him I don’t want to marry him? What reasons do I give? That my parents have some feelings he is not the right person?

Mummy: Why not pray over it dear?

Sandra: I can’t even think straight since you expressed your doubts after his visit. (Sighs again). God, why is this happening? Dave is a good man, he fears God. He is hardworking, caring,… How can he not be the right man?

Sandra is in dilemma over her parent’s concern over Dave. They have been dating for nine months before Sandra invited him to meet her parents. After dinner that night her father and mother called her and both said they like Dave, but something keep telling them he is not the right man.

What should Sandra do?

Share your thoughts.

Good morning and have a great week ahead!

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

http://www.adewumioni.com

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/adewumi.oni

Twitter: onadol2010

Biodun took a facility of 1.5 million naira from XY Microfinance Bank to inject into his business. Biodun sells electronics at one of the busiest malls in Ikeja. He makes good turnover but has been unable to meet demands lately. Some corporate bodies have lately started requesting for wholesale supply and 30 days payment terms.

Barely two hours after Biodun got SMS alert for the loan disbursement, he got a call from his sister. She sounded frantic and alarmed. Biodun’s 65 year old mother slumped and has been rushed to the hospital. The doctor diagnosis is a dangerous heart condition that can lead to death within 72 hours if not operated.

Biodun rushed down to Ibadan to see her mother who is still in coma. The surgery would cost 1.5m. Biodun is the eldest of three and his siblings are still in school.

What should he do? Should he use the bank loan to finance the surgery? 

Share your thoughts.

Good morning and have a great week!

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

Adewumi Oni is a Speaker, Trainer, Blogger, Life Coach and an Entrepreneur.

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/adewumi.oni

Twitter: onadol2010

Good morning and Compliments of the season. Trust you had a great weekend. For some of us, we resumed to work last week, while for some we are just resuming today. There is also school resumption today in most places. Here is wishing everyone a pleasant and fulfilling 2018.

Back to our story on the Abioyes, I shared the story two weeks ago (you can visit my blog http://www.adewumioni.com, if you missed it).

Some questions were raised, and here are my views:

1. Where did the Abioyes get it wrong?Upward change in wealth usually tempts us to buy new cars, houses or some fancy vacations or clubs. We start spending less time with our family, which is where the Abioye’s got it wrong. Did they need a maturing girl alike Ebele as an househelp? Maybe, but she should have been enrolled in school also.

2. Should David have told his wife when he stumbled into Ebele scantily cladded?

Absolutely. She would have been able to scold Ebele and plant some fear in her.

3. What should they do?

I believe Ebele needs to leave but they both have to take responsibility for her upkeep before and after delivery. They need to inform her mother and probably secure accommodation for Ebele and her mother.

4. What are the learning points of the story?

Consider well before accepting juicy job offers, they come with a lot of baggage that damage homes.

Don’t be in a hurry to change your status when your wealth increases. 

Spend more time with your spouse.

Be man enough to tell your spouse or a reliable mentor, when you are having strange feelings for someone other than your spouse. They can help you get over it.

Thanks to those who contributed. I will share another case study next week.

Have a great week!

Adewumi Oni

08028395824

09095321147

wumioni@yahoo.com

http://www.adewumioni.com

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/adewumi.oni

Twitter: onadol2010