When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. –Lao Tzu
Moving on can sometimes be extremely difficult and near impossible, especially when it has to do with a broken relationship, loss of a loved one, business disaster, reputational damage, or natural disaster. Any of these occurrences can cause a lot of trauma and disillusion. Victims usually refuse to accept reality and often see themselves still in the pre-trauma period.
Here are a few guides to moving on:
1. Acknowledge the loss: You must first of all acknowledge the fact that the relationship is over, the loved one is truly dead, the loss has been incurred, etc. This is very important because it helps you to live in the present and accept reality.
2. Pour out your grief: Don’t try to hide your grief, cry it out, spill it out, do all you can to ensure it is not bottled inside. Talk to someone if necessary. Pouring out your grief makes you feel lighter and ready to make new decisions. Justin Timberlake said “Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.” Don’t blame yourself unnecessarily,even where you are at fault, scold yourself and free yourself.
3. Face Reality: You then need to face reality. Accept the fact that your spouse or partner is gone. Can you go it alone or do you need a new partner? The loss has been incurred, how do you start all over again? What mistakes did you make in the past relationship? What are the lessons from the broken relationship?
4. Give yourself to others: Sometimes it is helpful to get involved in some volunteer works before making new decisions,especially when a loved one has been lost. You may volunteer to help widows, orphans, homeless, etc. Doing so helps you to see the hurts of others, and you can provide comfort from the comfort you have received.
5. Make new decisions: Don’t stay down in the trenches forever. When the war is over, soldiers leave the trenches and get back to strategy room. Don’t remain in limbo, it is time to make new decisions. Learn from the past, but don’t let it color your vision of the future. Opportunities come in different shapes and forms.
6. Enjoy life: Enjoy your new life and live in the present. The past is gone, the present is all yours and the future awaits you. Don’t let the memories of the past blind you from enjoying the beauty of the moment. Remember you only live once.
Finally, the time between each of these phases differs depending on the events, strengths of those involved and circumstances. It is just necessary to know when to move on.
God bless us all.